Just a little of me (Time to shrug)

I was asked to write about something that I rarely ever do...myself. I have a hard time writing how I feel, to be honest. I just don't think it matters. Or maybe I just don't matter.
I try to write for what I believe every person deserves, no matter who they are, friend or foe.

So here it goes...Its Xmas, Santa will not bring me my grandmother. I am so damn depressed and so alone, there are moments that I just wish I could fall asleep and not wake up. I knew things were bad when music doesn't even bring me joy. In this past ten years...failed marriage...jobs where I was expected to be perfect...but they expect leniency from me...my jobs feel like my relationships that I have had in my life now.
I truly need to do something new...I think its time to try to do what makes me happy.
Before I do that...I need to find out what that is. I don't know anymore.

I remember being 5 (yes 5! Im not kidding) saying "Im going to be President"...you can laugh now.


Something inside of my chest is making it very hard to breathe, hard to muster money to get a doctor's appointment. For the first time in my life I have more enemies than I do friends. If it were not for the fact that I have signed up for school I would probably leave the country. Its become a tragic comedy where no one gets the punchline, but I am damn tired of getting punched.

I spend most of my time listening to people in my life that have problems that seem to make Erica Kane seem grounded. At least I know Erica wouldn't ask me to solve her problems. I got some advice the other day about Atlas and how sometimes I need to shrug. You see, for most of my adult life I was the guy you go to for things to get fixed.
Not because im so good at it, Im the only one that generally wont say no. I always thought that saying yes was a positive, a good deed a day was a plus. Now I see that anything in its extreme is not a good idea.

I have a lot of truisms (I will be posting those before I close up camp) that I live by..."the minute you feel the world owes you something...you damn well better have something to offer."
So now its time for school on the 10th, find a way to get into a doctor's office (I had better not die before that) and make something worth offering.

Time to start the process of "shrugging."

I will leave you with something from my past...
For your life I wish a celebration...

Do We Even Know What Christmas Time Is?

I am just going to be honest...for millions...and millions Xmas will be a reminder of what we don't have.

Jobs, food, places to call home, love, hope...

Its been replaced with pain, hurt, blame, loss, failure, emotional nihilism. This isn't in Africa or the Middle East I am speaking about. Its in America, we are the new THIRD WORLD COUNTRY! But as we see the 12 year old that seems to be angry, selfish, and lost; we accept that he is lost.

The lady in West Virginia that hates Obama, but is losing her husband and home to Cancer, we say good riddance to another dumb racist.

To the man that made $200,000 for years is now in his late 50's unemployed and close to penniless, we scoff at his plight because...well he made mistakes( the stock market didn't look at his color when it demolished his retirement fund) and wasted his cash..."you know I made a lot less, so to hell with him"!

The Marine that served her country only to find out that the only job available is to go back to a war that she doesn't believe in...well she doesn't support the troops, so to hell with her!

Countless of people that never fell through the cracks because they were NEVER on solid ground...well the system failed them? No according to our new found glory of thought...they are failures!

In time, we must accept that WE are the system. We made the system what it is...bad decision making at election time as if we ever had a good choice to begin with.

This is one of my favorite Xmas song...I doctored it up a bit to make a point. Times are getting too damn hard to see anything good...that is a recipe for madness. I hope that we can get mad enough to make some changes...



My hope for Xmas is that we can rise above this...for many don't know its Xmas time...

AT ALL.

Do They Know Its Xmas Time?

(lyrics are written by chloe glass) Paul Young


It's Christmas time, there's no need to be afraid

At christmas time, we let in light and we banish shade

Boy George

And in our world of plenty, we can spread a smile of joy!

Throw your arms around the world at christmas time



(Phil Collins on the drums)



George Micheal

But say a prayer - pray for the other ones

At christmas time



Simon Le Bon

it's hard, but when you're having fun

There's a world outside your window

Sting and Simon Le Bon

And it's a world of dreaded fear

Where the only water flowing is a bitter sting of tears

And the christmas bells that ring there are the clanging chimes of doom



Bono

Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you

And there won't be hope in America this christmas time

The greatest gift for many this year is life

Where nothing ever grows

No rain or rivers flow



Do they know it's christmas time at all?



Here's to you

Raise your glass for everyone

Here's to them

Underneath that burning sun



Do they know it's christmas time at all?



Feed the world

Feed the world

Feed the world

Let them know it's christmas time and

Feed the world

Let them know it's christmas time and

Feed the world

Let them know it's christmas time and

Feed the world

Let them know it's christmas time and

Feed the world

Let them know it's christmas time and

Feed the world

Let them know it's christmas time

Bullet Wound With A Band-Aid: Part 1 of 5

When I was 5 years old I wanted one thing, to be president. Once I became an adult, that want slowly left my desire. I no longer saw the need to save everyone, not even myself. As I get older, I am of the mind set that there is no need to save those that dont have the desire to even save themselves.

Now I can sit back and watch and wonder...

This is the beginning of my end of blogging...I will shut my site down when I post the final piece of this observation.

Take care of yourselves.

I'm going to just say it…bullet wounds don’t heal with a Band-Aid. But damn if we aren’t stuck on Band-Aids. I have been constantly asking for comprehensive truth. I have decided to place issues out on to the table and see what people really think. This is the first of many that I will start a conversation with the intent to find truth.



Some have been questioning what truth means as if the definition is in question.


So let’s question it:






Social Security






It was created to address a serious problem…lack of socio-economic protection of the elderly. Its intent was to not allow our elderly to become homeless and destitute.


It was merely a stop gap, a last line of defense, the Omega of protection.






That was 1935. It’s now 2010. Social Security is now the Alpha and the Omega for so many people that it sickens me. There is blame to go around so many times that it would resemble a circle jerk of finger pointing to see who is truly responsible for such a mismanagement of a good idea. I for one, don’t give a damn about the blame anymore, I want the solution. Solutions require a problem. Let’s look at what they are:






Financial Mismanagement






Many people like it or not just don’t manage money well. I could go on further; speak on how we are easily malleable to advertisements or trying to keep up with the Joneses. But there is so much more to it.






Health Care






Medicare was and is not the solution. It’s just another failed answer. Single payer is not the solution, just another way to help people in the short term and hurt them in the long run.










Wage Inequality






I just wonder exactly when the labor part of the economic equation got such a false impression. How did labor, the process that makes all ideas possible, become the least of the equation? How did the people allow themselves to matter so little?






Crime






If I have a white collar and a lot of money I am presumed innocent? But be a working class stiff…guilty! There is a distrust in police, justice system, and the penal system.






Education






We have yet to get the education program right. No one is willing to be honest or is willing to comprehensively address the issues.






If you want to wonder why Social Security isn’t what we need look at the things I listed.


Does that mean remove it tomorrow? Of course not, but let’s not pretend that it is being used for its true intention. Just imagine if we could have a real, true conversation about the list I made. We could perform surgery instead of slapping a bandage on everything. Or is it a Band-Aid on many bullet wounds that satisfies us? I hope that many can find more to add to the list…and offer ideas.

Why I Wrote "At The Table"

I know that we are in pain...not the "I feel your pain" shit.



I want to know what it is...


Dont you want to let it go?


Dont you see someone besides yourself that is in pain?


Dont you want to take it from them?






We need each other...its not like it or not...its a different choice.






How long can we endure alone?


Our division has weakened us. Lack of unity has become our Kryptonite!


There isnt a Superman coming to save us!


Enlightenment isnt a thought...its an understanding of what YOU must do.


We need to come out of our heads and come to the table.


It is far easier to be us...than continue to be...me.



Superman-Five For Fighting



I can’t stand to fly

I’m not that naive

I’m just out to find

The better part of me



I’m more than a bird...i’m more than a plane

More than some pretty face beside a train

It’s not easy to be me



Wish that I could cry

Fall upon my knees

Find a way to lie

About a home I’ll never see



It may sound absurd...but don’t be naive

Even heroes have the right to bleed

I may be disturbed...but won’t you concede

Even heroes have the right to dream

It’s not easy to be me



Up, up and away...away from me

It’s all right...you can all sleep sound tonight

I’m not crazy...or anything...



I can’t stand to fly

I’m not that naive

Men weren’t meant to ride

With clouds between their knees



I’m only a man in a silly red sheet

Digging for kryptonite on this one way street

Only a man in a funny red sheet

Looking for special things inside of me

Inside of me

Inside me

Yeah, inside me

Inside of me



I’m only a man

In a funny red sheet

I’m only a man

Looking for a dream



I’m only a man

In a funny red sheet

And it’s not easy, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm...



Its not easy to be me

I Find This Anology Funny...

As I watched the Patriots destroy the Jets, I am reminded of why I hate politics.







The Patriots have always been given the "play the right way" brand. A calm, collected confidence. But when they were accused of cheating...it was...but everyone does it.


I have watched the game tonight and have caught 6 holding penalties, 2 blocks in the back, and a false start not called against them.


While I know its cynical or even biased, that confidence that they exude is from the knowledge that they have a reputation that absolves them from punishment when they do wrong and even more reward if they do right.






That is what the Republicans have on their side. No punishment for doing wrong and a great reward for doing right.

At The Table

This month I was going to announce my departure from blogging.



Just to be honest…I had enough! There wasn’t much else for me to say. Then I thought about the other reason that I was leaving.
What I am about to say may make me a hypocrite, I may come off judgmental, some may even think who am I to say such things.
Well, someone needs to say it, for many really need to hear it.


In this world and the next…WE NEED EACH OTHER!




Now that statement may come off a bit like a hippy, kumbaya, or just another rant from a person suffering from far too much empathy. I guess the only retort to that is there is already enough apathy. Too much judgment or should I say way too many idiosyncratic standards that keeps us as a people in the very same stagnant position that we have been in for decades, centuries, since the beginning. Where is the evolution? Where are the priorities? How can what is important to you be so much more important than us?


Now with that being said…you can disagree with what I am about to say, you can say you don’t believe it, or even just use willful ignorance…




ALL OF OUR LIVES ARE POLITICAL!


That’s right!


P-O-L-I-T-I-C-A-L!


Everything we do has a political slant. Don’t believe me…show me! Prove to me that I am wrong! I will wait………..






Now that no one can or will ever prove me wrong let’s get to the point that we need each other. So, here are some things I have been privy to in the internet world:




“You know. I was going to forward this video over to my facebook page up until you lost your intelligence when you started using the f-word. Not everyone enjoys profanity over common sense language. Nevertheless, you make very valid points.”



Swear words are SO offensive that you will ignore a valid point in order to pass judgment on to someone? Or are you trying to get people to deliver a message that fits the language that you approve of?



Why does that matter? Is it not more important to move forward, make progress, and have productive lives? Or are you being political? Imposing your views onto someone so that your idiosyncrasies are the homogenized norm? Have you not come to the realizations that swear words are generally a sign of frustration? Are you not frustrated? If we can understand that the mourning process is never a universal template, what makes you believe that frustration isn’t the same?



“Look slavery and hatred is going to exists from now until the comet comes and kills us all. And I also said that they are part of the problem if all they are going to do is yell and scream how evil whitey is. Until they came up with positive solutions for racism besides demanding shit that is completely impossible to do now, Maybe we can work together but until they get off their poor me poor me shit. Oh and by the way if you for get the governor of New Orleans was a nigger. not a whitey.”



Since this person is having some race issues, maybe we need to introduce them to the person in my next example:



“Nubie the attitudes of "we are owed" is the biggest factor in why white people dislike blacks so much...its the attitude not the skin color.
Blacks with this...your ancestors made us slaves bullshit! God people get over it! It was hundreds of years ago, and its long gone and dead!
If you all would just settle down on this shit, and get over this hatred you have of whites over it, it would go a long way toward solving the problems between the races.
Also society dont make racists...I blame alot of that on the blacks themselves...
Hell Nubie I dont apologize for my racial slurs...since moving to the south Ive come to truly dislike arrogant blacks...and in my view there are two types of blacks, the decent law abiding ones who work hard and do right by their kids and country, and the arrogant assholes who cry about how they were mistreated and now owed due to that.
do you think Im denying that? NO I made racial slurs all the time...especially to people like you with your uppity Im someone special bullshit, when all you are is an arrogant uppity bitch who unfortunately for your race shares the same skin color...
But Im on to ya now, my little nubikins...your nothing more then a nigger with an attitude. And yes I know exactly what that word means to you, remember you explained it to me.”

Now for just one minute; ask yourself…do we want that type of believe at the table?


I do. I want it all out on the table! I want every comment, every belief, and every doctrine right out in the forefront! Let’s talk it over and for God sakes listen!


But let’s start with the premise of truth.






POLITICS ARE OUR LIVES!






WE NEED EACH OTHER!


And one that many may not know, understands, or accepts…


POLITICS IS ABOUT MONEY!


I just wonder…how much of your present day belief will keep us from moving into the future because you are stuck in the past?